Relationship.. !!

Relationship, this is the word which I am not able to understand yet.  Relationship; how does it work, has always been a big question for me many a times.

Heard people saying “give time, understand, compromise, adjust, trust, love, respect, empathize, and this is all how it works”.  But I have been trying hard to understand, compromised  many a times, trusted people, and kept aside my ego, still it not working at all sometimes.

People  say, the more you respect,  love others, n do good to others, its going to come back to you  n I  just wonder is it??  I have never understood this ratio proportion theory, bcoz the more I do good to people, the more I am becoming bad for them.  And who says any relations is selfless  except that  of the parents, every one excepts something  in return in this selfish world and  I too except n I don’t think its wrong on my part, how long you  can keep doing  good n always receive something bad coming back to you.

Many a times I have kept aside my ego to continue  the relationship , bcoz I have  always valued people  in my life more than  anything. But then  whats happening, people  just take me for granted n  they think  that if anything  happens next time, I am going to come back to them n being taken for a ride again . But I just want to  tell  them its not that I am  emotionally  weak that  I did it all the time, its  just I respect my relations , but maybe I was nothing  for them or the relation with me does not matter much to them so they always left it halfway.

It does not hurt when you have just a formal relation with someone, but when they are close , it does a lot . I am  a gal  who does not mingle with people so easily but once things works  out , I respect n share a good bonding,  give all my trust n  share all my secrets  but then  suddenly a wind blows n everything  gets over and  i am so clueless on how n why it all happened . Sometimes I just sit back n think over it , that is it all the time me whose  doing the  mistake n so all this happened or someone else can be the  reason this time. But then the very next moment people make me feel that yes I am at fault this time again. But now I really don’t want to comment anything on this bcoz I just can’t go n change anyone’s thinking about me. In a democratic country, India everyone has a right to express their views n feel whatever they wish to. 

Its been happening frequently  this time with  few people in my life,  the relationship which  I had for so long  for so many years n some of the new one  seems  like nothing is left there  n things are not going  in the  way it was before.  I tried but I guess some misunderstanding, lack of time or may be the priorities of people have changed as per the time. And I believe in one thing   “its not worth carrying   a relationship when it just getting one sided n you carrying the burden just for the sake of it.”

People   have sometimes said me that I behave so immature, childish, stupid, weird, impulsive n few other adjectives  which I  have recently got (that I don’t want to mention here), but to some extent I think there is  a fault on my part that I have given people a chance to take me for granted, bcoz when you give all your trust to someone, sometimes they just tend to make use of it n this  is the one biggest thing that  I have  learnt from some of my mistakes n I have no regrets for it bcoz in the end I have got something  to learn from it n every human does a mistake its not only me out here. I don’t care what people  think about me bcoz  they are not the  one who know me more than I do , they are not the  one who know whats  going with me , n what I feel any moment, so I m not seeking anyone’s  judgments about me, but yes they can always have their own thinking n their own perceptions. 

People saying  I am good or saying  I am bad is not going to  change me anyways so I guess they better understand bcoz they have  always been smarter than me . 

They   can think  that  I am being so rude n arrogant but I can’t help it bcoz that’s what I am feeling  rite now n I am  just expressing  it. N yes one thing I just love myself n this time I am really going to  take care of me, so you don’t have a next chance  to take me for a ride.

N I thank God that he has given me few people in my life who understands me and  know what I am n  yes I need not prove them anything bcoz they know it all.. :)